Why Did Saul Want to Kill David? Out of Jealousy? (Talk Back Question 1)

[This is the first in a new series.  Each week we're giving people at church the opportunity to ask questions about the sermon, about the Bible, or about life in general.  We'll answer some of the questions once a month, and we'll try to answer all of the questions here.  If you're a blog reader, feel free to post your question in the comments section.]

Basically, yes.  Saul was jealous of David - insanely jealous - as in he was literally crazy at times.  Because of Saul’s disobedience, God withdrew his blessing from Saul and put his blessing on David.  David began to succeed more and more, and Saul became weaker and weaker.  Apparently the event when Samuel anointed David as king was still mostly a secret, but everyone in Israel could see that David was becoming the national hero instead of Saul.  Saul became increasingly jealous and afraid.

The really difficult part of this story is that multiple times 1 Samuel says God sent “a tormenting spirit” upon Saul, which sometimes sent Saul into depression and sometimes made him “rave like a madman.”  Several times when this happened, Saul threw a spear at David - always just missing.    

In chapter 19, the story takes a turn for the worse, and Saul began to pursue David with the army.  That started a long drama of David running from Saul, yet remaining faithful and loyal to Saul all the while.  Twice David could have killed Saul but didn’t.  David only made a move to be king after Saul and Jonathan were dead.  (See 1 Samuel 16-26.)

Mephibosheth: From Shame to Grace (2 Samuel 9)

Read 2 Samuel 9.

My nanny dropped me.  Worst day of my life.  My father and grandfather were with the army in Jezreel.  Every time they went out, I staged my own battle with little wooden men in the garden.  I had archers and chariots and flag bearers.  I was only five, but I moved the men forward in formation until they crashed into one another - with soldiers flying this way and that.  It was great fun!  Of course, Israel always won, and my father and grandfather were always the heros.  The king and the crown prince were always the gallant warriors who saved the day.

Until the rider came.  My nanny had to drag me away from my little Battle of Jezreel.  We at at the royal table, eating the best food of the land, the only food I had ever known.  I still had my dad’s toy soldier in my hand for the whole meal.  I took it with me wherever I went.  It was my way of feeling closer to him while he was away.  

Until the rider came.  We could hear him pounding on the gate - and I can still hear his desperate, haunting voice - hoarse from shouting, dry from riding.  The whole palace spilled into the courtyard to see what all the fuss was about.  There standing in our safe little sanctuary of home was a wounded, bloodied, exhausted rider announced the news that shattered our entire family:  “King Saul and Crown Prince Jonathan are dead!”  

No one had any idea what would happen next. 

Unconditional Conditional Grace (2 Samuel 7:1-17)

I’m a bit of a control freak. 

I tend to have a plan with three points for everything.  

Really, I just want things done the right way.  And of course, I usually think the right way is my way.  

Now, you’re not allowed to laugh at this one .  Not that I’m trying to control you or anything, just a recommendation.  

If you don’t think I’m a control freak, that’s good.  That means one of two things: either I’m getting better or I’m getting better at hiding it.  Maybe those are the same thing.

Some of us are loose and free, but for most of us, one of the hardest things in life is letting go of control.  We want to control our present, past, and future.  If we’re really honest, we want to control our family, friends, and pets.  We want to control our bosses, our employees, and our customers.  We want to control our food, our weight, and our appearance.  We want to control the environment, the weather, and global warming.  We stop short of trying to control the stars and planets - but only because we’re too busy trying to control everything else.

Control is hard.  Being out of control is one of the worst feelings out there.  But one of the most basic lessons with God is that we are not in control.  God is.

The Ark (2 Samuel 6)

[By popular demand - due to the need to re-read this heavy sermon, here is Daniel Helbling's sermon from Sunday.]

It turned out to be a bad day for David. Worse for the family of Abinadab. It took David three months to get over it. How long will it take us?

Let’s look for understanding and insight that will help us find the value and present-day help in this scripture.

David was rejoicing; he was doing what he thought was the right thing in bringing the ark back to His own city. The presence of the ark in the king’s city would do even more to solidify and demonstrate the unity David had achieved among various factions after Saul’s death. David was careful about the things that he did; he sought the Lord's approval and help and wisdom when he would go out against his enemies in battle. Somehow, however, he didn't stop to review what the historical records would have shown: God had a clearly stated method for moving the ark. He had appointed a specific group of men to transport the ark on their shoulders with poles that went through rings on the sides of the ark. That's the way God had intended it, and that's the way it had been done every time God told Israel to move the ark. The Philistines put the ark on a cart. They had found the ark to be a curse, not a blessing. They just wanted to get rid of it as quickly and as painlessly as possible. Now David wanted the ark to become a blessing on his new reign.

Goodbye Letter #05: Nesheba Joy Thomas

Hello, KNU International English Church!  It's me, Joy.  I want to say a great big thank you to you for welcoming my husband and I so well that we feel like we will always have a home with you.  

I want to thank Pastor Josh for the first invite to church back in 2009.  I had jut arrived in Korea and was attending an all Korean service on the 13 bus route.  I thought about my life in college and thought that a service full of Americans was not for me.  So, I declined that first invitation.  

The second request to join the KNU service was from my then boyfriend, now husband Richard, in 2010. I told him that I did not want o be around that many Americans.  I regret this because there are many beautiful Americans, not like the ones I met in college.  And, Many many lovely Koreans in our church. 

The third and final invitation I got to church was from Mrs. Kim Taeran, in 2011.  She was my co teacher, friend and mentor/mom.  I really felt good about being invited by a Korean person.  So, I thought, " maybe, there are Korean people there, too." 

I really enjoyed my time singing with the praise team, listening to the sermons and taking notes as secretary of the advisory council. My main regret and deepest embarressment is that I did not come when I first arrived in 2009.  I missed so much time with you all.  I hope we return to you, soon.  But, I have a feeling that it won't be for some years, yet.

I love you.  And, hope to see you again.

Joy, Richard's wife

Retro Poem #6: The Letter Box

words are but words

and words with words

make no more than words

but words are what I have to give you

a word in itself 

is but a scratch on paper

or a breath in the air

the one who speaks the word

does give it some measure of weight

yet words and words are hollow

until words and deeds are one

yet with words I work my deeds

or some portion thereof

time excels all words

and time I plan to give

but time is not all mine

I must for others live

so when life pulls my time away

my words to you I’ll give

words are but words

when words alone

but these words I give

are not mere words

for in the giving

words and deeds are one

a gift I give to you today

not for the gift itself

but for what it will hold

it will hold my words

my words when we’re apart

my words when we’re together

as my pen flows in endless rhyme

my words will grow with time

and time will show

that time I’ll give

to accompany the words

which will build beneath this lid



----
(I wrote this poem as part of a Christmas gift to Sarah before we got married.  The other half of the gift was a hand-painted box for her to store our letters in while we were apart.  During that Christmas vacation, we started a tradition of writing one letter to each other every day that we are apart.  We are still continuing this tradition 12 years later.  Oh, and, I wrote the entire poem on a long role of paper ribbon which I then used to wrap the box.)

Social-Spiritual Covenant of Leadership (2 Samuel 5:1-12)

The idea of the social contract is one of the most influential ideas in the history of government.  From the beginning of time, societies have formal or informal agreements between leaders and followers.  Socrates and Plato said that we have a moral obligation to obey the laws of our land as long as we choose to remain in the land.  Epicurus argued that justice is essentially the mutual agreement not to hurt each other.  

However, the social contract theory took giant steps forward among philosophers of the 17th century.  Hugo Grotius suggested that individuals have certain natural rights which enable us to live together.  Then, Thomas Hobbes argued that we choose to surrender some rights to a king or to a government to protect us from the loss of all rights in anarchy.  Next, John Locke took this theory a step further, saying that government only holds its power through the “consent of the governed.”  In other words, we all agree to keep our governments in power because that is essentially in our best interests.  Locke’s most radical stance was the right to reform the government to make it more effective in serving those governed.

  

This “consent of the governed” is a really important concept still today.  There are two types of consent - overt and tacit.  Overt consent is when the people choose their leader and submit to his or her leadership.  Tacit consent is when there is neither a formal choice nor a formal rejection of the leader.  Therefore, the people under the leader tacitly (or passively) accept the leader’s authority over them.

  

Now, hold all of this social contract theory in mind as we turn to our text.  What we will see today is a form of overt consent to leadership.  The people of Israel unite in their commitment to make David their king.  They form a covenant with David, which is a formal social contract.

Read 2 Samuel 5:1-12.

Between Anointed and Abandoned (2 Samuel 1:17-27)

[This week Logan Kruck is preaching at our church.  He has graciously allowed me to share his sermon here.]

Superman Dies!  How can it be?  Superman can’t ever die!  Don’t you read the stories?!

Those who know me know that I love comics.  I read them all the time.  And Superman is the comic hero of heroes, the standard of what it means to be virtuous and good.  But, when I was 8 years old, I read this comic and was shocked.  Superman was dead.  It’s hard to separate fiction from reality when you are 8.  All of your favorite characters are very real to you.  So, when Superman died, a real hero died.  What could I say?  What should I feel?  As a child, when your hero dies, you feel very alone, as if all the good in the world died with him.  What do I do from here?

Listen now, to the words of David

Your glory, oh Israel, lies slain upon your high places!  How the mighty have fallen!

This isn't the song of Israel on opposite side of the Red sea watching Egypt drown.  It is not, "Horse and chariot are cast into the sea!  How the mighty God triumphs!"

It is a different song.  It is a song of shock and lament.  It is a song out of the midst of the horror of battle.  And our king, our representative to God, is dead.  

Retro Poem #5: Gentle Permeation

My dear, I am thinking about you.

It seems to happen every day.

I wonder off to my private world

Of imagination and possibility.

The secret chamber is not challenged

By the old violent pounds

Of a heart denied.

I do not wince at its quaking

Or fear that someone will discover

The rumble and tumble of agony within.

The inner walls are not challenged

By violent raging force.

Now, rather, it is a gentle caress,

A soft push welling up

With every thought of you.

This now threatens to breach my secret walls

And to spill my soul for the world to see.

It is the gentle force,

The fragrant pondering,

Of a life spent in love with you

That reveal my inner contents

As they spill helplessly into my days.

I fear I am more equipped

To handle a brutal, pungent attack,

Than a sweet, romantic brooding.

That I have a growing passion for a woman

Cannot be hidden from those around me.

This seeps its way through my pores

So that it pervades my person.

Though others cannot discern the object of my passion,

They clearly sense what burns within me

Even if it is as yet unidentified to them.

You have been my secret.

Not that I am ashamed,

But afraid and uncertain.

I have not felt it necessary,

Or them necessarily worthy,

To gaze upon you in my secret chamber,

To peruse the pouring possibilities within my soul,

To look at you through the lens of my feeble words.

I have not felt it necessary,

Or them necessarily worthy.

These are inner things for now,

Only to be shared with inner friends.

When I know - if I know -

The will of God is one with my inner chamber,

I will pour out my love for you in a fragrant display

That all will see,

In which all will rejoice.

Until that time, I am content

To keep my secret

As shabbily as I can.

Korea Tip 132: English Speaking Psychiatrist

You don't have to go to Seoul to get your psych meds.  There are several English speaking psychiatrists in Cheonan.  Ask your regular doctor for a recommendation, or try out Dr. Yu at the Y & K Well-Being Clinic (행복 주는 의원) near the Cheonan Bus Terminal.  It's between Starbucks and Krispe Kreme, on the third floor of the building next to Starbucks.
They are confidential, and they give you the medicine right there in the office, so everything is very discrete.  (For anyone who knows Dr. Ko at SsangYong Medical, Dr. Yu is her husband.)  As usual for Korean clinics, there is no appointment necessary.  Just walk in.  However, be warned that the nurses don't speak much English.
Depression and anxiety are common among foreigners living in Korea.  Don't be ashamed or afraid.  Get help if you need it.  No one will know, but you will feel much better.  (And you can always get a original glazed donut while you're at it.)

Caution and Challenge (1 Samuel 17)

Read 1 Samuel 17.

“David and Goliath” is one of the world’s best known Bible stories.  It is the classic story of victory for the “underdog.”  David and Goliath are now part of the global vocabulary.  When a small company enters a new market, reporters call it a “David and Goliath” situation.  This is a “feel good” story that we all love to love.

But this very familiarity creates a problem.  We are so likely to hear this story wrong.  We are so likely to apply it incorrectly to our lives.  If we take the simple childlike version of this story and apply it to our grown-up lives, we could get a gross distortion of the Christian message.  This story has an important message for us, but we have to be careful how we get there.  Today, as we talk about David and Goliath, I want to offer us four cautions and one challenge.  

First the cautions.

Caution #1: Don’t assume using God’s name leads to victory.

History is littered with people and nations who got this wrong.  Even the Bible tells one story after another of people who misused God’s name in battle.  

In the book of Numbers, when Israel finally got to the borderland of Canaan, they chickened out and decided to go back to Egypt.  God told them to go into the desert for more lessons in faith, but the people changed their minds again and decided that they would try to fight the Canaanites after all.  “‘Let’s go,’ they said. ‘We realized that we have sinned, but we are ready to enter the land the LORD has promised us’” (Numbers 14:40).  They marched forward in God’s name as God’s people to the land God had promised, and they were soundly defeated.  They used God’s name, but they were still not faithful to God.

Seeing with your Heart (1 Samuel 16)

Shaquile O’Neil felt like an outsider and a freak for most of his childhood.

Thomas Edison daydreamed so much in school that his first teacher called him addled (or air-headed) and said he could never learn.

  

Benjamin Franklin failed math twice.  After that his father took him out of school and put him to work in the family candle shop at age 10.

  

Albert Einstein was so slow in learning to speak that his parents went to a doctor to see if his brain was OK.  As a teenager, he was so rebellious that one of his teachers said he would never amount to much.  Then, Einstein failed his university entrance exam and had to go to trade school instead.

The small become great.  The fool becomes the genius.  The ugly duckling becomes the swan.  Cinderella becomes the princess.  Even though we have heard these stories a thousand times in a thousand ways, we still hear each story with awe and wonder.  Even though we know from history that people surprise us, we are still surprised.  Even though we know from experience that outward appearances can be deceiving, we are still deceived.  

Again and again, we return to one profound truth which is so easy to forget: “The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them” (1 Samuel 16:7).  Reality is different from what we see.  Let’s go now to the story that explains this life-shaping truth: 1 Samuel 16:1-13.

Baptized - Lenny Kravitz

Don't let the picture scare you.  This is a pretty awesome Christian song - by a 4 time Grammy winner. I want to sing this in church!

Retro Poem #4: Flash Forwards

Pregnant moments

push my mind 

forward in time

dreams take over while I drive

scenes of life - life yet to be lived -

leap into near reality:

   we are the aging couple on the dance floor

   the proud parents pushing a stroller

   the people kissing in the airport

   the regal recipients of tossed rice

how lovely are the dreamings

of a hopeful romantic.

Utterly Devoted - 1 Samuel 15

About a year and a half ago, a revolution started in Syria.  It began with peaceful protests against the oppressive regime of King Al-Assad.  These protests were met with increasing cruelty and repression by Assad and his supporters.  Eventually the protests transitioned to armed rebellion, and now a civil war has begun.

  

Assad grows more and more violent every week.  Recently he defended his actions as necessary for the health of the nation: “When a surgeon in an operating room ... cuts and cleans and amputates, and the wound bleeds, do we say to him your hands are stained with blood?  ... Or do we thank him for saving the patient?”

On May 25, soldiers and pro-government forces attacked the city of Houla just after nightfall.

  For about five hours they looted homes and killed whole families.  A total of 108 people were killed, including 49 children and 34 women.

  This was an open attempt to terrorize Syria’s people into giving up the revolution.  The photos of children stabbed, shot, and beaten to death have outraged the world into near unanimous condemnation and disgust.  

Hold this disgust and horror in mind as we turn to our Biblical text today.  Only these real events can set the proper frame for what we are about to read.

1 Samuel 15:1-23

One day Samuel said to Saul, “It was the Lord who told me to anoint you as king of his people, Israel. Now listen to this message from the Lord! 2 This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies has declared: I have decided to settle accounts with the nation of Amalek for opposing Israel when they came from Egypt. 3 Now go and completely destroy the entire Amalekite nation—men, women, children, babies, cattle, sheep, goats, camels, and donkeys.”

Nomad

A settler in a land of nomads

Is a nomad all the same.

Friends come and friends go,

Always learning a new name.

Bad Bargains (1 Samuel 8)

A few years ago, my family vacationed in Orlando, Florida.  We were all excited to visit Disney World.  Emma was desperate to see Mickey!  

Then, we noticed that our hotel lobby had a special booth selling tickets - how convenient.  And they were at a 50% discount - brilliant.  All we had to do was visit a local resort and listen to a “one hour presentation.”  That’s not so bad.  One hour and then we could be on our way.  

We started right after breakfast, but when we got to the resort, it was packed.  We had to wait about an hour before we even got started.  Then, our “one hour presentation” took about two hours.  

  I don’t know if they have “time shares” in Korea, but these are basically institutions where you buy “two weeks” worth of a vacation condo and “share” it with others throughout the year.  It sounds like a great deal when they explain it.  But financial experts say it’s one of the worst consumer bargains - ever.  

But when we walked around the lush condo grounds, I began to imagine our family there.  When I listened to the sales pitch, I kind of forgot all the bad stuff.  In a moment of great stupidity, we started to consider saying yes. 

Then, in a moment of even greater stupidity, we actually decided to buy.  There are two reasons that was a bad call.  First, it was just stupid financially.  Second, that turned the “one hour presentation” on our way to Disney World into a 4-5 hour affair.  We didn’t leave the “time share” office until we had “shared” half of our day with them.  

Later, when we got home to Texas, we called to cancel.  We got voice mail.  We got “the wrong person.”  They promised that “the right person” would call us back.  When we finally reached “the right person,” our one week optional cancelation period had expired.  Legally, we were stuck with our bad bargain.  

Leadership Tip: When You Can't Do the Big Thing, Do Some Little Things

For any leader, especially those whose jobs involve tasks on the creative side, we will occasionally get stuck.  For me, this usually happens when writing a sermon.  There may be an outside stressor that is weighing on me or an inner blasé with no discernible cause.  But for whatever reason, the big important task just isn't happening.
At this point, my old pattern response is to stick with it, to buckle down, and to try to hammer something out.  One of three things usually happens.  (1) By some kind of miracle or sheer will-power, I'm able to push through the fog and create something meaningful.  (2) I write something, but it's actually pretty mediocre.  (3) I try and try to write, but I end up doing basically nothing.  I may surf the net trying to get inspired or simply procrastinate by playing solitaire.  So, trying to buckle down only has a good result one out of three times for me.

Here's another option that I'm finding much more helpful.  Instead of trying to pound out the big task when it just isn't working, sometimes I put that task aside for a few hours or for the whole day.  Instead, I pick up some smaller - less demanding tasks - like emails or organizing receipts or making phone calls.  Those tasks will have to be done eventually.  They aren't going away.  If I'm not going to put in quality work on the big task, I might as well get something productive done.  Then, two good things happen.  (1) I'm not ridiculously behind, when I finally finish the big task.  (2) I give myself some mental and emotional space to get a better grip on the big task.  Usually, my subconscious keeps working, and when I pick it up again after lunch or the next day, my creative juices are flowing, and I'm ready to roll out some quality work.

Summer Worship

This summer, we’re studying 1 and 2 Samuel, which mostly tell the story of David, Israel’s greatest king.  David was a man deeply flawed and yet also “a man after God’s own heart” (1 Samuel 13:14).  

David gives us hope in an ironic sort of way.  We’re all just as broken as he was, and yet God loves us and - if we will allow it - God slowly remakes his own heart in our hearts.  Two parts of David’s life stand out as possible examples of how he embodied God’s heart.  

First, David prayed ... and prayed ... and prayed.  73 of the Bible’s Psalms are his own prayers.  But these aren’t clean, simple, “churchy” prayers.  This is a man pouring out his heart to God - all of the pain and all of the joy.

Second, when the Arc of the Covenant - the symbol of God’s presence with Israel - was being carried to Jerusalem, David let loose in celebration.  He danced “before the Lord with all his might.”  

Could it be that the essential part of having God’s heart formed in us is total openness ... unhindered worship ... holding nothing back ... going all out with God? 

As we talk about kings and kingdoms, we will continually return our focus to the King and the Kingdom.   Let’s go all out for our King and hold nothing back - in worship full of life and in lives full of worship.

[By the way, the art above is from Rebecca Brogan's great spiritual art at John the Baptist Artworks.]

Two Roads - Psalm 1

Mike was about 40 when he went to the hospital because he was having chest pains.  Doctors said he was having a pre-heart-attack.  Mike’s father and grandfather had both died of heart attacks in middle age, and Mike’s older brother had recently had a life altering heart-attack.  

Mike was an old-fashioned American man.  He liked meat and potatoes, and he didn’t care much for fruit and vegetables.  He was intimately acquainted with all the best barbecue restaurants in town, and church potlucks were his special forte.  And it all showed in his body.  His face was aged, and his belly was round.  When Mike traveled and showed people pictures of his family, people often thought his wife was one of his daughters.  Awkward!  

Mike decided that he didn’t want to follow his family tradition of mid-life heart attacks.  He wanted to see his kids get married and hold his grandchildren.  He gave up his baby-back pork ribs and fried apple pies for a new healthier way of life.  

He and his wife became students of healthy eating, and they starting taking long walks together at the end of the day.  He developed a taste for salads, fresh fruits, and even tofu - which is a big stretch for most Americans.  10 years later, Mike has lost about 50 pounds (20 kilos), and his heart is healthier than ever.  He is trim and fit, and he is enjoying his grandchildren.  Mike saw two roads for his life, and he chose the healthy path.

Psalm 1 - Sons of Korah

My friend Sarah Bean just introduced me to a really cool band called Sons of Korah.  They're 6 guys from Australia who play psalms - as in from the book of Psalms - in the Bible.  They put these prayer psalms to contemporary music in a variety of musical styles.
We're going to use this rendition of Psalm 1 in our worship service this week.


I also really like Psalm 100.

Smoking Miracle (24-7 Prayer)

From a member of KNU International English Church (in Cheonan, South Korea) who prefers to remain anonymous.

This is a smoking story, but not the kind one reads about or sees on TV.  This is about a real miracle.

Back in March, my boss told me that all foreign teachers had to get some tests done at the medical center.  My boss told me that he needed to take me to get tested March 27th.   I scheduled my time at our church's 24/7 Prayer Room for March 30th.  Then, my boss told me he only had time to take me to the medical center on March 30th (right when I was scheduled for the prayer room). I was very angry and hurt about this, but rescheduled the prayer room for Sunday.

When I came for the tests, I found out there would be a chest x-ray also.  I always get nervous about chest x-rays, but this time was extreme.  I was so nervous that I failed the blood pressure test.  

I decided to smoke before going into work and quit for 24 hours in order to really help the blood pressure results on the following day.  I figured that after the test, I would be free to smoke all I want.

I passed the blood pressure test and the chest x-ray, but something very strange happened: I suddenly lost the desire to smoke.  I also had a cold and a bad cough, which I wasn't even taking medication for.  All of this went away the same afternoon.

Then on that Saturday, I went swimming and found myself swimming very fast without even trying. My lung capacity had improved so much that I just naturally swam faster.

I have been smoking heavily since 1980!  I did not plan to quit smoking last month.  It just happened.  I feel that God worked a miracle in me. I am even more grateful to God for helping me quit and for healing my body.   All of this means even more to me, because it all happened during Holy Week before Easter and our 24/7 Prayer Week.  I have now been free of smoking for almost two months!

Korea Tip 131: English Speaking Chiropractor

If you have back pain in Korea, it can be hard to know where to go for help.  Finding a doctor who speaks English or works in familiar ways is almost impossible.
Dr. SiHo Ahn, of Cheonan, may be exactly what you need.  He is a USA licensed chiropractic doctor (from Pennsylvania), and his office is near Dujeong Station on the north side of Cheonan (1469 Dujeong-Dong). 
Check out his English website at: www.ahnchiro.com.  For directions or to make an appointment call, 1661-1230. 

Goodbye Letter #04: Kim and Paul

Dear KNU International English Church,


We have very much enjoyed been part of the church fellowship for these past eight weeks, courtesy of Daniel and Arnelle Helbling who have very kindly and willingly collected us by car to travel from Anseo-dong.

We were warmly welcomed at KNU IEC from the first day and very quickly felt part of the fellowship. This was in part due to the ‘extra-curricular’ sessions we joined in and in part to the greeting time each Sunday. It was here that we had the time to connect with individuals and learn some names. It is through learning names and then through these same lovely people being willing to stop and speak each week for a short or longer time that we felt connected.

We have discovered that as we have been on our travels with God and left our home church in the north of England for Canada, then Yeosu in South Korea, back to the UK, then returned to South Korea, that we have each time been blessed with a church that we have felt part of and has increased our joy in serving Him.

So thank you for the part you have played; especially those we know by name who warmly welcomed us each week.

Yours in Christ

Kim &  Paul

When?

When does the sun rise?

   When the first hint of light?

Always while it’s dark

   After a long, long night.

Faithfully Doubting God - Psalm 22

Most of the time, we think of faith and doubts as polar opposites.  We think of faith and doubt on a single spectrum.  We think that if we have more doubt, we have less faith, and if we have less doubt, we have more faith.

<----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

Doubt                                          Faith

But that’s not what the Bible teaches.  The Bible’s perspective on doubt and faith is more like the father with a sick child who said to Jesus: “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24).  Belief and unbelief are all mixed together - like overlapping ovals.  We have all these doubts of different shapes and sizes, but they can be enveloped by an even larger circle of faith.  Having doubts does not mean we don’t have faith.  Doubts can actually enlarge and enrich our faith.  True faith is not being doubt-free.  True faith is taking the leap to trust God even while the doubts are there screaming that we shouldn’t.  True faith is moving forward to follow Jesus - even if it means carrying a backpack full of doubts along the way.

Sometimes, we let our doubts drive us away from God and away from God’s people.  We can get very ashamed of our doubts.   We think, “If I was a real Christian, I wouldn’t feel like this.  If I really trusted God, I wouldn’t have these doubts.”  And so we end up hiding our true selves from other people at church and even from God in prayer.  We only say the nice things.  We only pray the nice prayers.  We stuff our doubts down.  We try to shoo them out the window of our souls.  

Here’s the thing about doubt and pain and fear.  It’s part of us.  It will always be part of us as long as we live in this broken world.  If we don’t bring God our pain and fear and doubt, then we are leaving a huge part of us in the back room of our souls.  If we don’t bring our church and our friends our pain and fear and doubt, then we are hiding huge parts of ourselves and preventing deep relationship from ever happening.  

We (as a church) and we (as Christians) have to find healthier ways of dealing with pain and doubt.  Thankfully, we have Psalm 22.  This is probably the single most famous “lament” or “doubting” Psalm in the Bible.  Listen for how it mixes together doubt and faith.  

1  My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?   Why are you so far away when I groan for help?

Goodbye Letter #03 - Arnold Tanubrata

[When people in our church move on, I ask them to write a goodbye note before they go.  I hope this will be one way to help us navigate these transitions well.]

   In 19 years as a servant of God, I never saw or met any power bigger or greater than the power of God, no matter how bigger my problems were or how bad I feel that I'm 'being cruxified' because of my loyality to Him.

   My name is Arnold Tanubrata, but I am also known as Tan Yue Liang since I am Chinese-Indonesian. My extended family originally owned a top pharmaceutical company, producing prescriptions drugs and OTC drugs and importing pharmaceutical and chemical raw materials.  However, my nuclear family was the second poorest of the families in our clan, so I considered myself as middle class of Indonesians.

   As a middle class Indonesian, I lived happily like in heaven. I received the highest education available -  from kindergarten to a posh graduate university.  However, I had friends from many backgrounds both poor and rich, including children of the unemployed, military generals, artists, and governors.  After graduation, I also got good jobs, slowly moving up from staff, to supervisor, to assistant manager, to manager, and finally to director.

   Things started to change in 2008.  I lost my job due to the global economic crises. After lost my job, my relationship with my ex-wife became worse until she cheated with another man.  I became very angry and even had a plan to have the other man killed by a professional.  My father knew all about my situation, so he suggested that I go to South Korea to work and to search for a better future there.

Depending on His Good Care - Psalm 23

1 The Lord is my shepherd;
    I have all that I need.

2 He lets me rest in green meadows;
    he leads me beside peaceful streams.

3 He renews my strength.
   He guides me along right paths,
    bringing honor to his name.

4 Even when I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
    for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
    protect and comfort me.

5 You prepare a feast for me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
    My cup overflows with blessings.

6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
    all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23 may be the single most famous chapter in the whole Bible.  Christians and nonChristians alike know and appreciate its images.  Today, I feel the burden of working with this heavy and honored text.  

However, I find some help from a preacher-scholar named James Mays.  He is the former president of the Society of Biblical Literature and the founding editor of the Interpretation commentary series.  But before his chapter on Psalm 23, he wrote, “Any interpretation seems presumptuous.  ... Why undertake to explain a psalm that ... so rightly speaks for us and interprets us?”

  If he can’t interpret this Psalm, then I am not going to even try!  

But maybe like he said, Psalm 23 actually interprets us.  Maybe, we identify with Psalm 23 on such a deep heart-level because it clearly and profoundly speaks the truth of our hearts.  So today, I don’t want to explain Psalm 23.  Instead, I want to let Psalm 23 explain us and our relationship with God.  (I’ve been really helped this week by Phillip Keller’s little book called, A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23, so much of what I’ll say flows out of that.)

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD.  Behind this familiar statement is a humbling truth.  If “the LORD is my shepherd,” then I am a sheep.  This sheep and Shepherd relationship explains so much about us.

First, we are owned.  I am a sheep, and I belong to God, my Shepherd.  I am not my own; I am owned.  We may not like it, but we belong to God.  That is a simple and fundamental truth of reality.