100 Things I Love About Korea # 50: Replay - Random Funny English

This is a repost from November 12, 2007.

In Korea English is vogue. (I think it's kind of like the trend in the USA a few years back with Chinese characters.)
English words or phrases adorn clothes, hats, books, bags, pencils, storefronts, menus, and just about everything else. Sometimes the English words make sense and seem appropriate. Sometimes they seem completely random and nonsensical. Sometimes a notebook or a shirt will have a few lines from a random English poem, song, or story.
Today, as my students were writing in preparation for a speaking assignment, I stopped to read the cover of a student's notebook. It was so randomly hilarious that I wrote it down. It also expressed a cultural idiosyncrasy for younger Koreans. They have this thing for poo. (Someone gave Emma a very popular Korean book in which the main character is a pile of dog poo trying to find its identity in the world. No kidding! The dog poo eventually fertilizes a dandelion and feels self-actualized as part of the circle of life.)
Anyway, without further adieu, here's the story I read today on the cover a notebook, complete will graphic illustrations:
One day a little tortoise met a hedgehog.
The little tortoise said, "Hello Mr. Nice to meet you."
"Hi little fellow. Where are you going?" Mr. Hedgehog said.
"I'm on my way to poo-poo. It's a sort of Emergency situation."

Profound.

Korea Tip 130: English Counseling in Korea

Sometimes we need help.  That's OK.  It is a sign of health to reach out for the help that we need.
However, when living abroad, it can be hard to find the help that we need.  In Korea, English speaking counselors are hard to come by.
As a pastor, people sometimes ask me to recommend a good method for getting counseling here in Korea.  Unfortunately, there aren't any therapists comfortable doing counseling in Cheonan (where I live).   However, there are other options:

Korea Tip 127: An Out for Privates

“Could you teach my child English?”
Any native English speaking teacher in Korea for more than a month has likely heard this multiple times, from multiple people, in multiple locations (buses and bathrooms, subways and stairwells).
Some are glad to comply for the extra cash.  However, others feel stuck in a prickly trap.  Private English tutoring - although very common - is still illegal for foreigners, and it’s grounds for deporting if you get busted.  Besides that many teachers simply don’t want the extra work commitment.
But there just seems to be no good way to respond.  Often those asking the question are bosses, coworkers, friends, or church members - people to whom we feel a measure of social obligation.  We seemed to be forced with a choice of making a social faux pas or else taking on a tutoring job that we really don’t want.
Let me suggest an alternative.  Connect with a native speaker who can do privates legally and willingly.  Usually, this is either a Korean-American or someone married to a Korean. 
For my part, Sarah and I will now be referring people to our friend and church member David Hill, who holds an F5-visa (영주권) which permits him to teach privates along with his Korean wife Hong Young-Ju under the banner of Oxford (영어전문과외).  Check out their website at: www.myfigtree.net.  To make an appointment call (010-4761-9202). 

Korea Tip 119: Gmarket

Gmarket is Korea's Amazon.  Actually, it's owned by Ebay, but it's not an auction-based site. 
It has a pretty good English translation of it's website.  There's even a button for product to use google to translate product descriptions.  This translation is spotty, but the parts that are absolutely necessary for transactions are easy to understand and easy to use.
We recently purchased diapers and printer ink cartridges at about a 40% discount over local store prices.  Also, for many items, especially things over 30,000 won, shipping is free.  Our products were delivered in 2-3 days. 
If you need help directing the delivery man to your address, just have it shipped to your work place and give the Korean secretary's phone number.  Or, if you live in an apartment complex, the delivery guy (Konglish: tech bay) can drop it off at the security office and you can pick it up later.
Another helpful tip for purchasing over the internet: you don't have to pay by credit card.  You can just click the button that says something like: "bank transfer."  Then follow the instructions on the site and make the transfer at an ATM.
Happy discount shopping!

Cursing at my Class

This week one of my text books, which heavily emphasizes vocabulary and listening, had two very similar words: canyon and canon.
I noticed in my first class that the students kind of giggled when I was explaining the difference between these two words. But that's somewhat common, so I didn't think much of it.
In my second class, for some reason, I really emphasized the difference, and I said "CAN-YON" again and again with very deliberate pronunciation. Before I knew it, the whole class was saying "canyon" and giggling to their neighbors. Some were just laughing outright. I realized that I must have said something funny. I asked what they were laughing about, but nobody was willing or able to tell me. Finally, one of the students said that it was an easy word to pronounce and that I didn't have to keep going over it. I just thought I had drifted off into teacher LA-LA Land, where I was droning on and on about something not so important. (This is actually easy to do since I teach the same exact class 5 times.)
In my third class, when I got to canyon and canon again (without the heavy emphasis this time), everyone started laughing again. Finally, the light went on for me. I asked, "Is 'canyon' a bad word in Korean?" Several people nodded yes. I asked, "What does it mean?" No answer. I just went on with the rest of the material and finished the class.
After class, I asked one of the girls who seemed to be a good student what "canyon" means in Korean. She seemed pretty uncomfortable. Finally, she said that there isn't an exact translation, but it is kind of like "F--- YOU!"
I just laughed and said, "Oh, OK. Thanks."
As I was walking back to my office, I realized that I had been saying again and again, loudly and with clear pronunciation: "F--- YOU! F--- YOU! F--- YOU! F--- YOU!"
OOPS!!
Ahh - the hazards of teaching cross-culturally!

Also this gives a whole new meaning to America's greatest national park: "The Grand Canyon"!