Sarah and I are in the midst of premarital counseling again. Not for us. We are the counselors, for the third time. This is one of my favorite parts of being a pastor. I love talking about how to have a good marriage.
Sarah and I really enjoy reading books on how to have a healthy relationship, so I thought I'd share some of the books we've found helpful and are recommending to the couples we counsel.
The Five Love Languages - Gary Chapman (very helpful for learning how you both give and express love)
His Needs, Her Needs - Dr. Willard Harley, Jr. (helpful for understanding that our needs are fundamentally different and how to satisfy those different needs)
Getting the Love You Want - Harville Hendrix (a deeper psychological book, helpful for bringing communication to a deeper level and identifying how your family history may still be impacting your present)
Romancing Your Husband - Debra White Smith and Daniel W. Smith (the theory and ideas for romance)
Romancing Your Wife - Debra White Smith and Daniel W. Smith (same, but the other way around; Get both of these books, but don't let your spouse read yours.)
The Act of Marriage - Tim and Beverley LaHaye (Yes, before Left Behind, they were writing about sex! Hard to believe, I know. This book is an interesting mixture of cheesy, strangely old-fashioned, profound, and scientific. Over all, still worth the read, especially to understand the - um - nuts and bolts of sex.)
Sheet Music - Kevin Leman (This is a very bold Christian book about sex and intimacy. He goes all out in explaining and encouraging married couples to have a great time with each other. A must read, together!)
Every Man's Battle - Steve Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, with Mike Yorkey (ed.) - (This is a must read for every man and for every woman married to a man! It explores the battle every man faces to stay sexually pure. Don't miss this one!)
We still haven't found a book we really like as a basic text for premarital counseling. Any ideas out there?
3 comments:
Josh,
Good list of books. Thanks for sharing them.
Have you ever read any of Les & Leslie Parrott's writings. They write marriage enrichment books and teach marriage & enrichment leaders. I'm sure you can get them through NPH. Leslie was one of my teens at Shawnee C/N when I was working at headquarters. Les is one of Dr. Les Parrott's (now deceased) sons=--not that any of that will mean anything to you. It's just that I know they both come from good Nazarene (Christian) stock and have discovered they are right on. At one point the governor of Oklahoma asked them to head-up the state's marriage-enrichment division (which was summarily attacked by the extreme lefties, so it was abandoned by the governor). Their work is widely known in the states and they are professors at a university in Oregon or Washington (somewhere in the upper-west of the attached 48). They spend about half their time traveling around the country training trainers.
Thanks for the comment - annonymous, older - um, I mean "mature" - Nazarene person.
Actually, the couple we are counseling right now had already started Les and Leslie Parrot's Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, but Sarah and I are not too impressed with it. We would give it a B- minus in terms of talking about the things that couples need to talk about before marriage. Also, at times it's a little cheesy, but maybe that just goes with the premarital territory.
Josh,
I contacted another friend and he suggested the potential of "Sheet Music." From what he said about it, it might be better for those who are already married than for those who are just getting married. He said it deals with some issues that in min mind might be culturally sensitive, so be sure to check it out before suggesting it to those in your group.
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